Football Shirt Logos obscurely he realised his personality. But at times it gave him odd surprises he did things, he knew not why, and afterwards when he thought of them found himself all at sea. There was a boy called Luard between whom and Philip a friendship had arisen, and one day, when they were playing together in the school room, Luard began to perform some trick with an ebony pen holder of Philip s. Don t play the giddy ox, said Philip. You ll only break it. I shan t. But no sooner were the words out of the boy s mouth than the pen holder snapped in two. Luard looked at Philip with dismay. Oh, I say, I m awfully sorry. The tears football shirt logos rolled down Philip s cheeks, but he did not answer. I say, what s the matter said Luard, with surprise. I football shirt logos ll get you another one exactly the same. It s not about the pen holder I care, said Philip, in a trembling voice, only it was given me by my mater, just before she died. I say, I m awfully sorry, Carey. It doesn t matter. It wasn t your fault. Philip took the two pieces of the pen holder and looked at them. He tried to restrain his sobs. He felt utterly miserable. And yet he could not tell why, for he knew quite well that he had bought the pen holder during his last holidays at Blackstable for one and twopence. He did not know in the least what had made him invent that pathetic story, but he was quite as unhappy as though it ha. d been true. The pious atmosphere of the vicarage and the religious tone of the school had made Philip s conscience very sensitive he absorbed insensibly the feeling about him that the Tempter was ever on the watch to gain his immortal soul and though he was not more truthful than most boys he never told a lie without suffering from remorse. When he thought over this incident he was very much distressed, and made up his mind that he must go to Luard and tell him that the story was an invention. Though he dreaded humiliation neymar brazil jersey cheap more than anything in the world, he hugged himself for two or three days at the thought of the agonising joy of humiliating himself to the Glory of God. But he never got any further. He satisfied his conscience by the more comfortable method of expressing his repentance only to the Almighty. But he could not understand why he should have been so genuinely affected by the story he was making up. The tears that flowed down his grubby cheeks were real tears. Then by some accident of association there occurred to him that scene when Emma had told him of his mother s death, and, though h.y what means he got her demonstrativeness. He discovered that she found Sundays at home tedious, so he went down to Herne Hill in the morning, met her at the end of the road, and went to church with her. I always like to go to church once, she said. it looks well, doesn t it Then she went back to dinner, he got a scrappy meal at a hotel, and in the afternoon they took a walk in Brockwell Park. They had nothing much to say to one another, and Philip, desperately afraid she was bored she was very easily bored , racked his brain for topics of conversation. He realised that these walks amused neither of them, but he could not bear to leave her, and did all he could to lengthen them till she became tired and out of temper. He knew that she did not care for him, and he mens football tops tried to force a love which his reason told him was not in her nature she was cold. He had no claim on her, but football shirt logos he could not help being exacting. Now that they were more intimate he found it less easy to control his temper he was often irritable and could not help saying bitter things. Often they quarrelled, and she would not speak to him for a while but this always reduced him to subjection, and he crawled before her. He was angry with himself for showing so little dignity. He grew furiously jealous if he saw her speaking to any other man in the shop, and when he was jealous he seemed to be beside himself. He would deliberately insult her, leave the shop and spend afterwards a sleepless night tossing on his bed, by turns angry and remorseful. Next day he would go to the shop and football shirt logos appeal for forgiveness. Don t be angry with me, he said. I m so awfully fond of you that I can t help myself. One of these days you ll go too far, she answered. He was anxious to come to her home in order that the greater intimacy should give him an advantage over the stray acquaintances she made during her working hours but she would not let him. My aunt would think it so football shirt logos funny, she said. He suspected that her refusal was due only to a disinclination to let him see her aunt. Mildred had represented her as the widow of a professional man that was her formula of distinction , and was uneasily conscious that the good woman could hardly be called distinguished. Philip imagined that she was in point of fact the widow of a small tradesman. He knew that Mildred was a snob. But he found no means by which he could indicate to her that he did not mind how common the aunt was. Their worst.
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